The Enneagram and You

You are amazing!  You are unique!  There is no one exactly like you!  You are entirely, you!

You are given in the first few months of life, one of nine ways to survive in the world. Your personality type is critical for your survival. Your ego helps you to see yourself as separate and distinct from the people around you, even your parents.

Your ego gives you a framework to make sense of the world and keep you safe. The trouble begins when we come of age and don’t realize how much your fear of doing something new limits your freedom.

Each personality type is no better or worse than others. They are just different.  Your type shows you where you are already stuck.  Working with this fantastic tool helps you to escape the limitations of your personality, helping you to become stronger in all nine types.

In this series of articles, I am going to take you on a journey through the nine Enneagram types.  Remember, you have all nine types within you.

Wanting to learn more about how your Enneagram Type Impacts what you observe and see in yourself: Click Here

Enneagram Type Two: The Helper

At Your Best:

You are a loving, compassionate person.  You are sensitive, optimistic, helpful, romantic, supportive, energetic and emotionally expressive.

You get great satisfaction from helping friends, family and acquaintances.  Your strong intuition helps you to know what others need. Your true nature is love, and you desire to serve.

While you are always there for the people in your life, you also take care of yourself.

You freely offer your time to serve others without any expectations of people returning the favour.  You take no offence if people do not accept your offer to help.

 When you Lose Connection with Source:

As you lose connection with source, you become increasingly insecure.  You become more desperate to feel loved.  

You start to believe that you must earn your love.  You will try to manipulate the people you care about into showing their love for you in a particular way.  

When people do not respond to you in the way you would like, you become angry and resentful.

People around you may be loving you in many ways, but you are not able to recognize their affection.  You are blind to their love because it is not part of your love story.

While you are desperately trying to get the loving attention of others, your overbearing behaviour pushes them away.

Your need to be the center of attention pushes people away from you because you are manipulative and needy.

Jane (This is not her real name):

Jane is a loving, caring person.  She always likes to do things for the people she loves. She is generous with her time, talent and love.

 She is a great Mom making sure her husband and children get great meals, lots of attention, help and care. She carefully watched her children to make sure they had a great start to life.

She was involved in her church, active in her local community, taught the piano and served on several community boards. 

She and her sister cared for their Mom for many years in a nursing home.  

What got her in trouble was her hunger for attention.  She needed lots of proof that her family and friends loved her.

She would always put other people’s needs before her own. Over the years, she let her health suffer to care for the people she loved.

She liked to be the center attention.  It was hard to get your word in during a conversation. She would get angry when she did not feel included in some gathering connected to her family or community groups.

She had a big heart and always wanted to help others. Her challenge was to love and honour herself.

Wanting to Learn More About the Enneagram: Click Here

Forgiveness:

None of us are perfect.  If you identify as a type two, you might recognize some of yourself in the story of Jane.  Here is a fantastic opportunity to practice loving yourself.

The gift of the Enneagram is to help you to observe yourself in action without judging yourself.

With practice, you will become self-aware. As you become self-aware, you will notice when you are getting caught up in the limitations of your personality.

With practice, you will find compassion for yourself when your fear of not being loved catches up with you.

Eventually, you will notice when you are moving into stress, making it possible to choose a different path that will keep you connected to your true self. 

Four Ways to Get Healthier:

1.    Work on your self-esteem

 Engage in activities that give you pleasure.  Learn to do this alone.

Find activities such as exercise, meditation, and walking alone to help you connect with yourself.

Pamper yourself as you would pamper someone else.

Invest in yourself by going to a coach or counsellor to help you work through your issues.  Remember, you are worth your time and money.

Focus on the love you already have instead of what is missing from your life. 

2.    Practice assertiveness:

Work on discovering what you want in life.  What do you need in life to find meaning, hope, joy and purpose? Ask yourself what brings a smile to your face.

Once you know what you want to do, do not be afraid to ask others to help you, whether that be a friend, colleague or professional.

Do not be afraid to set limits.  When someone asks you to do something that you do not have the interest, time or energy learn to say no.  If a friend asked to talk to you and you are too tired, arrange to do it at another time.

Learn to discern when you are angry. Instead of crying, try to deal directly with the issue that is making you angry.  Anger is a signal that something is not right. It is wise to pay attention to this powerful emotion.

If you are feeling like someone is trying to take advantage of you, do not be afraid to speak up. Always do this as soon as possible.  You and your colleague both benefit from you being honest.

3.   Build Healthy Relationships:

First, you must be your true self in relationships.

Any relationship needs balance. Yes, there are times you need to be there for them, but there must be times when they are supportive of you.

Be careful not to give advice when it is not invited. If you do offer to help, do not be offended if a person does not accept your offer.

Take pleasure in helping others in small ways. Don’t be excessive in your gifts of time, and material items.  Graciously accept when others give to you.

4.    Watch out for co-dependency:

Go into new relationships slowly and carefully. Avoid relationships with needy or unavailable people.

Do not try to save people. Encourage people to take responsibility for themselves.

Resist moving into a new relationship when one ends. Give yourself time to enjoy your own company. Take time to discover your interests.

If you are feeling needy for sex, make sure your desire is not disguising your need for attention.

You are Amazing:

Remember, all nine types are equally good and equally bad.  As a type two, your job is to get as healthy as you can in your type. 

At the beginning of your Enneagram journey, you may only see the negative in your type. Don’t lose hope. As you spend more time discovering who you are, you will find more about the fantastic type two you are.

I am Roland Legge, an Identity Coach here to help you understand what makes you tick through the Enneagram.  You can join my private newsletter list for Free Monthly Advice and access your Free Online Enneagram Test