The Enneagram can help you and your partner to have the best relationship possible. 

The enneagram symbol illustrates the power of the nine different personality types, representing the different ways we experience the world.

 Once you discover your type, you will have a spiritual map to help you get healthier in all nine types.  The more self-aware you are, the greater the access you will have to your inner wisdom.

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Being Self Aware

If you and your partner are self-aware, you can get along with any person, no matter their Enneagram type. The more you are fixated on your personality, the less healthy your relationship will be.

You are self-aware (mindful) when you observe your behaviours and attitudes and see them as others do.  You are self-aware when you lead with curiosity. For example, if you are feeling angry, you can discover the source of it.  Maybe you are feeling sad, and you can name what is happening and what you are grieving.  

Self-aware folks take one hundred percent responsibility for their behaviours and actions.  Mindful people don't blame others when they are unhappy about themselves.

As you learn more about the Enneagram, you will learn to be healthier in all the Enneagram types. As you get healthier yourself, you will attract healthier partners.

 Enneagram combinations more likely to get along:

1.      Type Ones commonly pair well with Twos,

Type Ones are known as the Reformer. They are detail-oriented, conscious people with high standards.  One’s are drawn to people who can lighten them up and find wonder during the most challenging times.

Ones who are too critical of themselves find relief from the open-hearted two's who want to bring out the best in them. Two's can bring kindness to one's pursuit of integrity, helping them to soften and relax.

One's can bring steadiness and safety to the Two's who struggle with abandonment issues. One and Two are wings to each other, meaning they share overlapping traits.  

2.      Type Fours commonly pair well with Fives, Nines

The reflective and sensitive four are known as the Individualists. The Four is always seeking to be their authentic self. Type Fours are hungry for deep relationships with people. They want to find out how you are doing.

They don't have any interest in meaningless chats about the weather.  The creative four can see beauty in places that others are blind to.  The Enneagram Type Fours are hungry to share the beauty of life with those they love.  

In a Four-Five relationship, the emotional Four will benefit from the steady straightforward five to say what they mean and mean what they say. The Five's rational nature can help to steady the stormy Four.  Also, Fives are not afraid to explore the depths of emotion, making it possible to have stimulating and intense connections.

In the Nine Four partnership, the Four brings their passion and intensity to the mellow Nine.  The Nine, generally naturally welcoming of all emotions, helps the Four to feel safe.

3.   Type Sixes commonly pair well with Nines

Fearful and loyal Sixes, also known as the Loyalists, can be anxious and suspicious. They place value in systems and institutions to stay shielded from dangers. They benefit from relationships that are serene and steady.

In a Nine Six partnership, there is a harmonizing and calming influence. The usual accommodating Nine calms the Six’s unending doubts and panic.  In return, the Six brings its unquestioned loyalty and predictability to the mix while animating the Nine to come forward and gain life.         

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Enneagram combinations less likely to get along.

1.      Type Fours don't pair as well with Eights

For the Four to feel alive, they need to feel their emotions, while for the eight, the feelings can get in their way. The four wants an authentic deep connection with another human being, while the Eight is hungry to confront injustice.

The Four will find the Eight to be unsettling.  The Four needs openness and tenderness, while the Eight needs action. The Four will want to express their feelings and emotions, while the Eight wishes to change the world, making this frustrating for both.

The Eight will find the Four too emotional and a waste of time.   Eights feel the immediacy of what needs changing. For example, this could be a friend being harassed at their job or the debilitating bureaucracy imposed on new immigrants. They want a partner who joins them in their missions. The Eight does not have time to waste on emotions.

Which Enneagram types get along and don't? If you are self-aware, you can get along with any type.

2.      Type Ones don't pair as well with Sevens

Types Ones inwardly know what needs to be done.  They intuitively know the best ways to do things. They often suffer because they never feel they are doing a good enough job.  While the Seven's motto is "I am here for a good time, not a long time." The Seven wants a life full of fun, adventure, playfulness, and avoiding suffering at all costs, while the One wants to make the world as perfect as possible.

The One is a detailed person. They rarely double-book an appointment.  If they are late, it is because they are trying to perfect another project.  In contrast, the Seven is often overbooked because they fear they might miss out on something even more exciting.

Relationships between these two types suffer when the One is overworking and the Seven is having trouble committing.

3.      Type Fives don't pair as well with Nines

Type Fives hunger to learn, while the Nine want everyone to get along, even if it means appeasing people to keep the peace. It can be challenging for the two types to build a close relationship with their different focuses.

Both types tend to go into their imaginary worlds to stay safe, making it difficult for them to connect.

The Five might ponder for years how they can improve their relationship, while the Nine avoids talking about intimacy because it might create friction; they get more conflicted without any way to resolve their issues.

Which Enneagram types get along? When you are connected to your inner wisdom, you can build a healthy relationship with anyone who lives with consciousness.

The Bottom Line

You can build a great relationship with anyone, no matter their type.  The bottom line is that you are both grounded, mindful and conscious of how you are showing up in the world.

When you connect with your true self, you will discover the person God/the Universe wants you to be.

Learning your enneagram type can help you see how healthy you are and what you can do to become more self-aware.

When you both keep doing your work as individuals and as a couple, you will find the rhythm of your relationship dance.

You may not always be happy, but you will find joy every day because you will not doubt that you are on the right path and with the right person.

Roland Legge can help you build a beautiful relationship with your partner regardless of your combination of enneagram types.  Roland Legge is a Certified Identity Life Coach and a minister in the United Church of Canada in Yorkton, Saskatchewan.  You can join my newsletter for free advice and get your free E-book and sign up for Your 30 Minute Discovery Call at no charge