5 Ways to Thrive After a Divorce: How to get the best out of life?

Even the best of divorces is not easy. If you do your work, you will come out of this time stronger, healthier and more confident.

Ending your relationship may feel like a chaotic time. The only way to release these intense feelings, thoughts and sensations are to move through them by experiencing them.

You are likely to feel sadness, anger, despair, hopelessness and confusion. One moment you will be happy, the next you will be crying.

You are not going crazy. This roller coaster of emotions is your psyche’’s way to heal. You need to give yourself space to re-orient to the world without this person in your daily life.

Find safe spaces and people to allow yourself to feel the pain. Ignoring or avoiding the pain will only make it worse.

You are not just grieving the loss of your relationship but what it could have been.

Most people take at least a year to move through this process but may take longer. If you are feeling stuck, it would be wise for you to consider getting professional help.

Once you are through the initial stages of grief, here are five ways to thrive after a divorce:

1.       Forgiveness:

You may still be angry with your ex. You may be hostile towards yourself.  Your reaction is normal and natural. However, nursing these wounds will only make you feel worse.

Forgiveness is about choosing not to allow your negative experience to impact future relationships.

No one expects you to pretend everything is okay. No one expects you to be buds with your ex.

It is learning to accept that you did your best in the circumstances. It is accepting the reality that your relationship did not live up to your dream.  Be careful to not put yourself down. This will not help.

Ask yourself what do you need to learn from this experience. What insights are you taking away with you that will help you to be a better person?

Now it is time to focus your energy on the present.  It is time to risk dreaming of a better life.   

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2.       Radical Gratitude:

You can change the way you see the world through radical gratitude. What is radical gratitude?

It is about being thankful for anything that helps you to live well. Take time to be thankful everyday.

It is all about what helps you to get your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual needs met.  For example, you might be thankful for how your friend cares for you, the love of your family, the unconditional love of your dog, the healthy food that comes from your garden, the ability to dance, the safety of shelter and anything else.

You are probably like most of us and take a lot for granted. Make time every day to notice the many things that are so common you become oblivious to them.

Nothing is too small to give thanks. You might have noticed a dandelion bursting through the crack in the sidewalk. Take time to marvel at the mystery of this ordinary weed that can break through cement.  

When you are thankful, it is hard to get down on yourself or anyone else.  Try this and see how it can elevate your experience.  It is hard to be depressed and gloomy when you are feeling thankful.

3.       Practising Presence:

What is presence? It is the experience of being fully open to your inner wisdom. You are no longer living in the past or future.

You are living in the moment where you have access to your three centers of intelligence.  When you are open to the sensations of your body, the emotions of your heart, and your quiet mind, you will find an increased flow in your life.

You will discover what you need to find meaning in your life. You will know who are your real friends.  You will no longer second guess yourself because you will know you are on the right path.

How do you find presence?  You will discover presence when you find ways to become grounded in your body through physical movement such as yoga.  You will discover presence when you acknowledge the feelings in your heart as they happen. You will find presence when you quiet your mind through practices such as meditation, prayers or mindfulness.

In the end, you will need to find what works for you.  What I have mentioned are just a few ways to become more present.

4.       Self Care:

If you are a woman, you have likely put the needs of others before your own.  You are the last one to stop working because you feel responsible for making sure everyone is okay.

You might be feeling that you have to keep everyone else's spirits up because of the divorce giving yourself little time to do your internal work.

The time is now, for you to take care of yourself.  Make sure you are getting lots of sleep, good food, time for yourself, time with friends and family and plenty of exercise.

Do something special for yourself, such as getting a massage, getting a manicure, play some tennis, take long walks, take out your best friend for a meal.

Do whatever it takes to help you feel good about yourself. If you hear your inner critic trying to put you down, remind your ego that you are worthy.  Remind this part of you that you have worth for just being you.

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5.       Discover a new side of yourself:

Now is the time to re-commit to following your dreams.  Imagine if you could do anything, what would that be. 

Is there are a hobby that you have put off because you didn't think you had the time?  Is there something you want to go back to school to learn?  Is there something on your bucket list that it is time to pursue.

If you are struggling with what you might want to do, it might be time for you to invest in a coach, mentor or counsellor. There is no shame in seeking help. 

Watch out for the voice of your inner critic. If this voice is trying to put you down, reassure this part of you that you are most capable of taking care of yourself.  Let it know that you now have an excellent opportunity to make some important changes in your life.

You are now ready to find new hope, joy and purpose in your life.  Now is the time to follow your dreams. 

No one wants to go through a divorce. We start a relationship with a person we love planning on spending the rest of our lives with them.  We think it would never happen to us. 

Yet divorce happens for many reasons. Sometimes no matter how hard you try to reconcile, it is just not going to work.

When a relationship ends, it is essential to take time to grieve. It would be best if you acknowledged your sensations, feelings and thoughts so you can release them.

If you follow the five steps above, you will have the opportunity to turn your life around. 

Getting divorced is never a comfortable journey, but it has the potential to bring out the best in you. It has the potential to make your life even more worth living.

Roland Legge is an Identity Life Coach. He can help you to find new life after a divorce or separation. Click Here to join his private newsletter list for Free Monthly Advice and Click Here to access your Free Online Enneagram Assessment