September 10, 2021

Now That Your Divorce Is Over, What Are You Looking For In A Relationship?

September 10, 2021/ REL Consultants (Roland Legge)/ Roland Legge

Your divorce is over, and you are wondering if you are ready to begin a new relationship. It is never wise to jump into a new relationship quickly. If you are honest with yourself, you will know when you are ready.

This in-between time is an excellent opportunity to reflect on this question: what are you looking for in a relationship? Take the time to learn from past relationships to clarify what you need and what would be nice.

Here are eight questions to ask yourself to help you name what you need in a relationship:

February 18, 2021

Why Am I So Lonely? I Wanted My Relationship to End & Now I am Miserable

February 18, 2021/ REL Consultants (Roland Legge)/ Roland Legge

You were in a long-term relationship, and It did not have a happy ending. You could not wait to end the relationship. Now you are out of the relationship, and you ask yourself, why am I so lonely.

January 07, 2021

Why It's Totally Normal To Be Angry At Life After A Divorce (And How To Start To Let It Go)

January 07, 2021/ REL Consultants (Roland Legge)/ Roland Legge

Going through a divorce is tough, even when done compassionately.

All your emotions are close to the surface, and you are angry at life. You expected to be in this relationship until death.

You are grieving what could have been. You are losing your partner with who you could share your day. It feels so lonely now.

It now feels awkward to go out with couples who you used to hang out with together. Over time you will discover who you are, your real friends.

You are responsible for everything in your household. It is easy to feel overwhelmed.

Childcare is now a lot more complicated. You suddenly find yourself as a single parent; you are exhausted. You are embarrassed to ask for help.

You are feeling angry at your spouse and probably mad at yourself. You ask yourself, why did I put up with the behaviour of this person for so long? What did I do wrong? Why didn't I see this coming months ago?

If there were an affair by one of you, feelings of betrayal would magnify your emotions even more. You will feel angry, enraged, hurt, sad and disappointed. You will have many reasons to be angry at life.

Moving through a divorce into new life takes time. The only way to move through this tumultuous time is to experience your sadness, hurt, anger and disappointments. Hiding from your pain is only going to make it worse in the long run.

August 26, 2020

5 Ways to Thrive After a Divorce: How to get the best out of life?

August 26, 2020/ REL Consultants (Roland Legge)/ Roland Legge

Even the best of divorces is not easy. If you do your work, you will come out of this time stronger, healthier and more confident.

Ending your relationship may feel like a chaotic time. The only way to release these intense feelings, thoughts and sensations are to move through them.

You are likely to feel sadness, anger, despair, hopelessness and confusion. One moment you will be happy, the next you will be crying.

You are not going crazy. This roller coaster of emotions is your pyche’s way to heal. You need to give yourself space to re-orient to the world without this person in your daily life.

Find safe spaces and people to allow yourself to feel the pain. Ignoring or avoiding the pain will only make it worse.

The more you try to ignore it or suppress it, the worse it is going to get.

You may feel peace for a moment, but those feelings will come back even more powerfully at inconvenient times.

You are not just grieving the loss of your relationship but what it could have been.

Most people take at least a year to move through this process, but many take longer. If you are feeling stuck, it would be wise for you to consider getting professional help.

May 27, 2020

Enneagram Type Three: The Creative Playful Achiever

May 27, 2020/ REL Consultants (Roland Legge)/ Roland Legge

The Enneagram and You

You are amazing, unique, and there is no one exactly like you!

You are given in the first few months of life, one of nine ways to survive in the world. Your personality type is critical for your survival. Your ego helps you to see yourself as separate and distinct from the people around you, even your parents.

Your ego gives you a framework to make sense of the world and keep you safe. The trouble begins when you come of age and don’t realize how much your fear of trying something new limits your freedom.

Each personality type is no better or worse than others. They are just different. Your type shows you where you are already stuck. Working with this fantastic tool helps you to break free of the limitations of your personality, helping you to become stronger in all nine types.

In this series of articles, I am going to take you on a journey through the nine Enneagram types. Remember, you have all nine types within you.

February 21, 2020

Nine Ways to Liberate your Inner Critic

February 21, 2020/ REL Consultants (Roland Legge)/ Roland Legge

You have an inner critic, and it is never going to go away. The good news is that you can learn to quiet down this part of your self.

First, here is an introduction to the inner critic and the ego.

The inner critic is part of your ego. Your ego is there to help you differentiate yourself from others. It is the beginning of your growing self-awareness that separates you as a distinct person. Finding your own identity is essential for your survival.

Your inner critic wants to keep you safe. During your childhood years, It helps you to stay safe at a time in your life when you are vulnerable.

The trouble is that the inner critic tries to keep you safe by pressuring you to stay with the familiar. It will panic whenever you try something new.

When you become an adult, it is beneficial to notice when your inner critic is speaking. The voice of the inner critic is usually loud, impatient, abrasive and angry. The voice of your true self is typically gentle, persuasive and patient.

When you are aware that your inner critic is speaking, you then have the choice to ignore it and follow the voice of your true self. You have the option to invite your inner critic to help you be more constructive. You might ask it to let you know when you are getting stuck in fear.

February 01, 2020

Why Doubt is Good for You (And How it can Deepen Your Faith)

February 01, 2020/ REL Consultants (Roland Legge)/ Roland Legge

Dought:

Doubt is one of the most excellent tools available to you. It is what your brain does well when given a chance. It is called critical thinking.

To doubt is to be uncertain of a belief or opinion. It is to suspend judgment to seek more opinions deliberately.

Think how much better the world could be if all of us practiced critical thinking before we made any decision for our family, workplace or religious community.

You already do this without realizing it. Many of us, when making a big purchase, will learn about the different options. You will read up on any information you can find.

If you are new parents, you will read some of the latest books on parenting. You will probably go in with some healthy skepticism until you find the author that speaks to you.

Often if we think an offer feels like it is too good to be true, we will do further research, such as being in touch with the Better Business Bureau.

Can you imagine the world without the gift of doubt? Who would you choose to follow unquestionably? Who would you trust so much that you would do as told without question?

December 19, 2019

Five Ways to connect with the spirit of Christmas without going to Church

December 19, 2019/ REL Consultants (Roland Legge)/ Roland Legge

Christmas is a busy time of year full of activities. People judge you if you don’t seem happy.

You, among many, find it hard to slow down at this time of year. There is so much to prepare, people to entertain and perfect gifts to buy.

You feel pressure to make everything seem right for you and your family. You want to make sure that everyone who comes to your home has a perfect time.

If you are feeling overwhelmed, you are among many. But there is hope.

Christmas is really about the spirit of spreading, love, peace and justice around the world. It is about slowing down enough to listen to the spirit speaking in you.

This holiday season is about showing gratitude for all the people in your life and for the many blessings you enjoy.

Even for churchgoers, it can be tempting to miss church with all the pressures of Christmas.

For the many who have lost connection with Christianity, this time of year can feel empty. The good news is that it does not have to be so.

You are a spiritual being whether or not you go to church, mosque, temple, synagogue or any other place of worship. You have worth just for being you.

It is good to slow down to feel your connection to spirit. Here are five ways to connect with the spirit of Christmas without going to church.

December 08, 2019

Perfectionist and Christmas (How to Survive)

December 08, 2019/ REL Consultants (Roland Legge)/ Roland Legge

Christmas is supposed to be a joyful, happy season. Yet for many of us, it can be challenging.

Do you find it like a command performance when you must pretend to be full of joy? When you feel forced to lie to people about how you think, it makes you even worse.

You are not always going to be happy when Christmas rolls around every year.

If you are a perfectionist, you can feel extreme pressure at this time of year to have everything “perfect” for your family and friends. You think you need to host the perfect party, give the ideal gift, prepare the perfect Christmas dinner and keep your house in immaculate condition.

Here are five ways for the perfectionist to survive Christmas:

November 03, 2019

Seven Ways to Inner Peace After Divorce

November 03, 2019/ REL Consultants (Roland Legge)/ Roland Legge

Going through a divorce is one of the most stressful events you can experience in life. Even if you have come to a decision together, it is still hard.

It is hard because there is grief. Your dream of a lifelong relationship together has ended. Your expectation that your partner would be there for you for the rest of your life has come to an end.

If you have children, you are now a single parent. How are they going to thrive in this new, unfamiliar environment? Where are they going to live? How will they get to see both parents if it is safe?

Unless you can find a way to share the home you have been living in, you will have increased expenses as you and your partner will each need a place to live.

You have been saving up for some new clothes, a new car or a trip that you now must put on hold because of all the extra expenses.

Your friendships are going to change. Some of the couples you used to enjoy company with may disappear from your life. Friends that you once new together may choose to only stay friends with your ex-partner.

Your favourite pet may go to live with your ex-partner. You will have to divide up all the contents of your home. It won’t be easy.

Here are seven ways to inner peace after a divorce:

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