How To Stop Self Sabotaging Relationships?

You hunger for relationships. It is so exciting when you find the right person. Yet you are scared because your relationships never last longer than two months.  

When your relationship gets near the end of two months, your inner critic works hard to end your connection to prevent you from being hurt.  

Becoming self-aware of your inner critic will help you to stop self-sabotaging relationships.

The good news is that you can have long-lasting relationships.  With greater awareness, you will notice when you get caught in the old stories that get you into trouble in your relationships.

Here are 8 ways to stop self-sabotaging relationships:

1.      Meditation

Learning to quiet your mind can help you to quiet your inner critic.  There are many different forms of meditation.

Regardless of whether you come from a secular or religious background, there is likely a form of meditation that can help you.

Meditation can help you to notice the wisdom in your body, heart, and head. It can help you to learn from your sensation, emotions, and thoughts.

If you prefer a group setting, there is probably a meditation group in your community. If you like to do meditation on your own, some excellent apps can help you to meditate. My favourite app is called Insight Timer.

Meditation will help you stay grounded, making it easier to notice when you are getting stuck in your inner critic. It will help you help you to stop self-sabotaging relationships.

2.      Journaling:

Along with meditation, journaling can help you to observe the thoughts you are having in your head.

When you journal, write down whatever is on your mind.  Notice the stories you are telling yourself. Get curious to see if there is any truth to the narrative. Acknowledge any surprises. Celebrate your accomplishments.  Note down any insights you received

When you read through your journals, notice if there are any themes. It is a great place to see when your inner critic is getting in your way. It is a great place to notice when you are starting to sabotage a relationship.

3.      Practice Gratitude:

When you practice gratitude, it changes the way you see the world. I challenge you to try and be negative when you are feeling so thankful.

Gratitude helps you to be aware of the many aspects of life you take for granted.  When you focus on thanksgiving, you will become aware of many things to be grateful for, such as food, shelter, family, and friends.

One way to make this happen is to keep a gratitude journal and either start or end your day, writing down all you appreciate.

See how this changes the way you see the world. It will help you to stop self-sabotaging relationships

Want to find Seven Reasons To Stop Believing You're Never Good Enough (So You Can Get Back To Your Life)? Click Here

4.      Self Awareness

a.      Body

You will learn so much through the sensations of your body. All you have to do is pay attention.

You will discover certain sensations in your body when you get stuck in your lie about relationships only lasting two months. You will often notice the sensations before it registers in your head.

With time and practice, you will get to the point when you can notice the sensation before you get stuck in the lies of your ego. Then you will have the choice of staying in the lie or acknowledging the truth.

b.      Heart:

The heart opens you to the wisdom of your feelings that are constantly shifting and changing. With practice, you will notice the difference between what you think you are feeling and what you are feeling.

As you get more present in your heart, you become aware of your yearning for relationships. Your heart will let you know when you find your true love. It will provide a safe place for you to acknowledge the troublesome inner critic.  Quieting your inner critic will help you to stop self-sabotaging relationships.

Your heart can hold any fears you may have and not let the concern get in your way. Your heart is spacious and safe.

c.       Head:

Your head is a transmitter between you and the universe. Your head gives you access to the wisdom of a higher power that everyone can access.

When your head is genuinely open, it will connect the wisdom of all three centers to help you know what is in your highest interest.  When your head is empty, your inner critic will have a hard time getting your attention.

You will experience a freedom you have never experienced. You will know when you have found your true love.

5.      Self Compassion:

Self-compassion is not easy. You are probably your worst enemy. How many times have you got down on yourself?  How many times have you cursed yourself?  Getting down on yourself is a waste of time.

So, get up every day and do your best. You learn to accept and love yourself as you are.  You are human, and humans are never perfect.

It is learning to have compassion for all your quirks, fears, and anxieties. It is all these that help to make you interesting, beautiful, unique and surprising.  This will help you to stop self-sabotaging relationships

Don’t get down on yourself for allowing fear to get in the way of having an intimate relationship.  With continued practice, you will find a relationship that will bring out the best in you.

Want to learn How Your Fear Of Change Is Keeping You From The Life, You're Meant To Live? Click Here

6.      Honesty:

If you want to get beyond the negativity and threats of the inner critic, you need to be honest with yourself. Get curious with the thoughts in your head. If you are afraid of something, ask yourself if this is something you need to fear. Most of the time, the answer will be no.

When you start to hear your broken record that tells you repeatedly that your relationships will never work, catch yourself and acknowledge there is no truth to this lie.

When you catch yourself sabotaging a relationship, acknowledge this behaviour and change the path you are heading in.

The truth is that you have the capacity for an excellent long-term intimate relationship. It is time to silence your negative attitude to relationships.

7.      Enneagram:

One of the best tools is called the Enneagram. It is a psychological-spiritual map to help you let go of your false self and reclaim whom God (Universe) calls upon you to be.

The Enneagram, along with coaching, can help you uncover your authentic self. The Enneagram can help you let go of behaviours that no longer serve you discover ways of being that will bring out your best self.

Being at your best will help you to stop self-sabotaging relationships

8.      Professional Help:

If you are struggling to get beyond the control of your inner critic, you might find it helpful to get professional help from a coach or counsellor.

Seeking help is a sign of strength and not weakness.  Asking for help is saying that you are ready for change and are prepared to do the hard work.

In the beginning, you are self-sabotaging your relationship without even knowing you are doing it.

With work, you will start to notice when you are moving into these unhealthy behaviours.  You will deepen your relationship by connecting to your inner wisdom.  As you let go of your negative story about yourself, you will be open to the truth of who you can be.

With patience, you will gradually start to see a change in yourself. You will begin to notice a difference in how you interact with your partner.  All this will help you to stop self-sabotaging relationships

Over time, you will shift from self-sabotaging to a growing presence that will help you connect with your partner in a more profound way than you could have ever imagined.

Roland Legge can help you to help you to stop self-sabotaging relationships.  Roland Legge is a Certified Identity Life Coach and a minister in the United Church of Canada in Yorkton, Saskatchewan.  You can join my newsletter for free advice and get your free E-book and sign up for Your 30 Minute Discovery Call at no charge