9 Ways to Create an Amazing Life After Divorce
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Acceptance
You entered your marriage thinking it would last the rest of your life. You had dreams of what it would be like to grow older together. All these dreams have now come to an end. After the divorce, what kind of life do you want?
Grief Work
When you accept that your marriage is over, you can begin the grieving process. Grieving takes time; sometimes, you will need help from a professional if you feel stuck in your emotions.
After you have done the work to ready yourself for your new life, you can begin the next chapter of your life.
Learning through the Enneagram
A great tool to help you renew your life is the psychological-spiritual tool called the Enneagram. The Enneagram comprises nine personality types, and you have all nine types within you. Each of us has one type we go to when we are stressed, and this is our personality type. Your type reveals to you the lens through which you see the world.
If you want to create an amazing life after the divorce, you will benefit from accessing the gifts from the nine types.
Here is how each of the nine types can help us to find new life after divorce:
1. Enneagram Type One: The Reformer
One energy within you wants to make a difference in the world. You know better ways of doing things. You are responsible and do what needs doing.
You are ethical, so how you do things is just as important as the outcome. People trust you are fair and honest.
You are wise beyond your years. People are comfortable sharing their inner life with you. If a friend or family member needs help, you are the first person they think of calling.
You are profoundly spiritual and know you are part of something bigger.
2. Enneagram Type Two: The Helper
The two energy within cares deeply for their families, friends and colleagues. You are a loving, caring and generous person.
You are good at caring for yourself and love to help others. At your best, you can discern what you and others need through your three intelligence centers.
You are not afraid to say no to others asking for your help. You know when you are moving towards emotional and physical burnout and can stop and take care of yourself.
You know you have worth for simply being you. Are you ready to begin the next chapter after the divorce proceedings?
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3. Enneagram Type Three: The Achiever
The three energy within you is optimistic, confident, and energetic.
You are a great leader and a great problem solver. You can recover quickly from setbacks.
You are an excellent motivator for others. You make a great mentor helping people to build confidence and skills. You are good at bringing out the best in others.
You are creative and can see the big picture helping you to make connections that others might miss.
4. Enneagram Type Four: The Individualist
The four energy within you is warm, compassionate, and creative. You can bring out the beauty in any environment and make it your unique space.
You can find meaning in life, feel it most profoundly, and find ways to express this mystery concretely.
You have the gift to establish deep warm connections with others. You are highly intuitive, making it easier to feel what others feel.
You are not afraid to be yourself. In some way, you will reveal your uniqueness to others, whether by what you wear or how you decorate your house. Are you ready for a new life after the divorce?
5. Enneagram Type Five: The Investigator
The five energy within you is wise, objective and discerning. You are curious and want to learn about something in detail.
You have the gift of understanding that comes to you through your observation of cause and affects.
You have a deep sense of integrity to do what is right and not being influenced by social pressure.
You are a great observer and can make connections that others miss. Your energy helps you to stay calm in stressful situations.
6. Enneagram Type Six: The Loyalist
The six energy within you brings out your loyalty to others. When you trust another person, you are committed to the relationship, whether personal or professional.
You are likeable, warm and compassionate. You will do everything you can to keep yourself and everyone else safe.
You can be direct and assertive when necessary and gentle and calm when required.
You are skilled at getting everyone, whether a family or business, to work well together. As well, you are not afraid to challenge injustice.
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7. Enneagram Type Seven: The Enthusiast
The seven energy within you is fun-loving, spontaneous, enthusiastic and curious. You are optimistic and won't let life's troubles get you down.
You are not afraid to be outrageous and outspoken because that is part of the fun. You never intend to put another person down.
You are generous with your time and resources because you want to improve the world.
You dare to take risks and try exciting adventures. You want to get the best out of each moment of life.
Starting over again after the divorce will open new doors for you.
8. Enneagram Type Eight: The Challenger
The eight energy within you is direct, authoritative, energetic and protective. It knows from deep inside your body what you need to do.
You can take charge and meet challenges head-on. You can face any challenge because your guidance comes from within.
People never need to guess what you think and feel because you are direct and wear your heart on your sleeve.
You are good at supporting, protecting and encouraging those close to me. You won't give up until the job is done.
9. Enneagram Type Nine: The Peacemaker
The nine energy within me is pleasant, peaceful, openminded and empathic. You are non-judgmental and accepting, which helps people to feel comfortable around you.
You can understand people's different points of view, which helps you to be an excellent mediator.
You care deeply for others and will go out of your way to help them. People feel comfortable around you because you are calm and open.
Your heightened awareness of sensations and ascetics helps you to be present. Your ability to stay present enables you to access the wisdom from your body, heart and head.
After the divorce, you will not be strong in all these areas. First, you need to discern your Enneagram type. Once you figure out your type, you will discover your healing path.
Think and feel for a moment what energies you are the strongest in. What energies do you need to bring more of into the world?
You will find greater joy and hope as you get stronger and healthier in these nine energies.
The Enneagram is one of many ways to let go of old ways of being that no longer serve you and create new habits that will align with your true nature.
Make a plan to continue your healing journey, whether immersing yourself in the Enneagram or finding a different methodology. Find practices that will help you access the wisdom of your body, the emotions of your heart and your quiet open mind.
If you are having trouble doing this independently, find a professional to work with you. To seek help is a sign of courage.
Life will always have challenges, but with continued intentional work, you can set your compass to better times.
Roland Legge is a Certified Spiritual Life Coach and a minister in the United Church of Canada in Yorkton, Saskatchewan. With the help of the Enneagram and Coaching, you can begin the next chapter of your life after the divorce. You can join my newsletter for free advice, get your free E-book, and sign up for a Discovery Call that will include a mini-coaching session at no charge.
