Discovering the Power of Love through the Enneagram

Love is an overused word. Love is about bringing out the best in each other. Love is a choice.  In this article, you will discover the power of love through the Enneagram.

When we choose to love another person, we respect them whether or not we are happy with them. What does love mean for you?

Discovering your Enneagram type can help you to love yourself, your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife.  

What is the Enneagram? It is a psychological-spiritual map to help you be your best. 

We arrive in this world with one of the nine types to survive in the world. Your type is the same as your ego.

Your type only becomes a problem when you stay stuck in the limitations of your Enneagram type.

Your goal is to get as healthy as you can in all nine types.  It is all about learning to notice how you show up in the world every day. It is learning to see what you do automatically without thinking. It is learning to connect with your inner wisdom, which will give you the freedom and courage to be you.  

Want to learn more about the Enneagram? Click Here

The more you learn about your type will help you to notice how you are behaving. It will give you signs for when you go into unconscious behaviour. Even more importantly, it will show you away back into presence.

Once you learn your partner’s type, you will get insights to help you to support them and, most, discover the best ways to love them.

Here are nine ways to love yourself and  the love of your life:

Type One: The Reformer

You have a passion for changing the world. You intuitively know better ways to do things, including household chores, teaching, dancing, singing, working for peace in the world and for cleaning up the environment.  

You are an excellent teacher dedicated to your work.  It gives you joy in teaching others what you know to be necessary.

You have high expectations for yourself. You can love yourself by learning not to be so hard on yourself.  You can love yourself by accepting the reality that you are not perfect.  
Remind yourself that it is not your responsibility to fix the world.  If something goes wrong, it is not always your fault.

Be careful not to have the same high expectations for people around you. They are not going to appreciate your constant criticism and your need to correct what they do even if you think it is essential for their wellbeing.

For those of you who have a type one in your life, you can love them by appreciating their dedication to their principals, their love to teach, their hunger to make the world a better place and the kindness they bring to the world.

Encourage your love not to be so hard on themselves. Remind them that your love is unconditional.  You will love them no matter how successful they are in living out their projects for change in the world.

Encourage your love to take time for play.  A great way to love them is to invite them to play with you. Pick something you know they would enjoy.

Type Two: The Helper

You love to help people.  At your best, you intuitively know what other people need.  Helping people brings you joy.

You are loved for being you. People appreciate all the fantastic things you do to make their life better.

The challenge for you is to love yourself as much as you love other people. The challenge for you is to make yourself the most important person in your life. 

Love yourself by making time for yourself. Don’t be ashamed to take a nap. Take the time to cook a healthy and delicious meal, read a great book and watch your favourite movie.

Don’t be afraid to set healthy boundaries.  Learn to say no when you are tired and don’t have the energy to help a friend in need.  If you can’t do it when they want, maybe you can help them at another time.

You might find people are trying to love you, but you are not able to acknowledge their love and care because you are blind to their kindness. After all, it is not what your ego was demanding.

If you have type two in your life, you can love them by encouraging them to take time for themselves.  Show your appreciation for all the kind things they do for you. Don’t be afraid to say thank you when merited.

Show them your love by going out of your way to do something kind for them.  Show them back the same kindness they give you

Type Three: The Achiever

You are a mover and shaker in this world.  You love to make things happen. You are playful, creative, hardworking, empowering, encouraging and want to make the world a better place.

You are an excellent mentor. You love to help people to help themselves.  You have a big heart and do all you can to bring out the best in your family and your place of work.

You have a hard time loving yourself when you give up parts of yourself to become successful. You forget to eat well, you don’t take any breaks, and you work too many hours.

The best way to love yourself is to take a day off, take time for yourself, and stop putting so much pressure on yourself to be the best.

Love yourself by taking the time to care for yourself and do what you feel inspired to do. It is to learn the difference between inspiration and being caught in the addiction always to be better than others.

Permit yourself to take a nap. Practice doing nothing.  Do something just for the fun of it and welcome your inner child.

If you have a type three in your life, tell them when you are proud of them and their accomplishments. Leave them alone when they are in the midst of their work. Let them know you love them no matter successful they are.

Encourage your type three husband, wife, girlfriend or boyfriend to open their hearts to you.  Underneath their tough exterior is a sensitive heart.  The more you open your heart to them, the more you will encourage them to open their heart.

Want to learn Nine Paths to Healthy Relationships based on Your Enneagram Type? Click Here

Type Four: The Individualist

You love to have real conversations about what is going on in your heart. You won’t waste your time on anything frivolous.

You are creative in many ways, including writing, music, art, pottery, painting, photography, design, programming and more.

You get down on yourself. You go back and forth between wanting to be like everyone else and being different.

You can learn to love yourself by focussing on what you have rather than what you think is missing in your life. Make time to be with people that nurture you. Be with people who want real authentic conversations on topics that matter.

Learn to trust your intuition, which is the voice of your true self. Your body will reveal the truth to you.  Remember, the quiet, patient and loving voice is likely the voice of your true self. The loud, impatient, and critical voice is probably your inner critic.  You love yourself every time you say no to the inner critic.

If you have a type four in your life, love them by giving them plenty of compliments, be a supportive friend, invite them out of their melancholy when you notice they are stuck in their sad story and help them to love themselves as they are.

Type Five: The Investigator

You love to learn and share your knowledge with the world. You are an excellent observer. Your integrity is important to you; doing what is right without being influenced by social pressures.

You are a great scholar, and whatever you choose to do, you will go into great depth.  You are curious. You always want to learn. 

An excellent way for you to love yourself is to make sure you show up every day to your family, friends and colleagues. Don’t worry if you don’t feel fully prepared. The world benefits from you sharing your learnings and insights every day.

Love yourself by making an effort to meet friends to play,  learn and share interests in common.

Love yourself enough to give yourself enough time alone to recharge your batteries.

Trust your ability to make small talk when necessary; so you can get to the vital conversation.

A great way to love a type five is to reassure them of your great respect for them.  They can count on you to always encourage and support them.  They can count on your to stand with them in all their work and scholarly endeavours.

A great way to love a type five is to give them lots of space in a conversation.

Invite your type five partner to share something you know they are passionate about and make an effort to learn about the topic yourself.

Don’t rush them into making decisions.  The more you push, the more the five will withdraw from you.

Type Six: The Loyalist

You are a loyal friend and partner.  You have a hunger to get everyone working together in harmony.

You can see problems and danger well before they happen.  You are an asset to any family and organization.

At your best, you are healthy and courageous. You have a hunger to make your family, community and world as safe as possible.

Here is how you can love yourself.  First, you need to find a way to quiet your mind. There are many ways to do this, including meditation, mindfulness, prayer, yoga, gardening, cooking and more. The more you can quiet you’re the mind, the greater inner peace you will find.

Love yourself by practicing radical gratitude. The more thankful you are for what you have, the harder it is to be down on yourself.

Do something that honours your body. Learn to trust the wisdom of your body. It helps you to know what is going on at the moment.

Type Six in your life, reassure the six that they can count on you. Listen to their anxiety and worry and help them discern the kernel of truth and lest the rest go.

Gently push your six friend, to new experiences and let them go at their own speed.   

Give them your full attention.  Type six loves to share with another person they trust. Show them your unconditional love, and they will be your faithful partner for the rest of their lives.

Help them to bring out their sense of humour.  The more you can laugh together; the more relaxed your six partner will be.

Type Seven: The Enthusiast

You are vibrant, energized, curious, playful and adventurous.  People love to hang out with you because they always have fun when they are with you.

Seven’s can see the big picture. You can see new opportunities for families, organizations and businesses that most people are blind too.

Love yourself by getting the most out of life. Follow your hunger for adventure because you don’t want to waste a minute of your life.

  Be careful that you don’t get caught in a vicious cycle of going on a more dangerous adventure to keep your adrenaline going.

Don’t be afraid to slow down and feel what is going on inside you. Commit to hanging out with friends you love and care even if it means you might miss an opportunity that could be more fun.

Another way to love yourself is to quiet your mind. Find a practice such as meditation, yoga or mindfulness to quiet your mind.

Show your love for yourself by focussing on projects that are important to you. Start new courses that excite you. Give yourself time to learn from your new insights before going on to something you think is more exciting.

If you have enthusiasts in your life, join then in their adventures.  Engage them in stimulating conversation. Be responsible for yourself as they don’t like clingy people. Give the person companionship, freedom and affection.

Remind your seven companion, that they are not responsible for making sure everyone else is having fun. 

Show your seven friends love by inviting them to fun things you know they will also enjoy.

Want to Learn How to Express Your Desires and Get What you Want in a Relationship? Click Here

Type Eight: The Challenger
You have a big heart. You have compassion for people who are struggling through no fault of their own. You will do everything you can to right injustice.

Most people have no idea how sensitive your heart is.  Be careful not to push away the people you value.

You have powerful energy.  You know what needs doing, and you want to make it happen.

You can love yourself by taking time to rest and relax. Make sure you are feeding yourself good food.  Don’t be afraid to show your vulnerable side.

Make an effort to find safe people to share life with who you can completely trust—people who you can trust to stand with you through all the ups and downs of life

Make time for enjoyable activities that bring out your inner child.  You will be a healthier, happier human being when you take time to play and enjoy good times.

If you have a type eight in your life, stand up to them. They will love you for it. Let them know when you are feeling intimidated. They don’t mean to do this.

Love them by creating spaces for them where they can open up to what is going on in their hearts. Don’t rush as they will open up when they are ready.

Encourage them to slow down.  Show them you got their back and they will open up to you.

Type Nine: The Peacemaker

You want everyone to get along together; you have a fantastic ability to understand different people’s points of view, and you are a great mediator helping people to resolve conflict.

You are an easy-going person, and people enjoy your openness. You come across as calm, peaceful and can go with the flow.

When you are under stress, it is tempting for you to avoid saying or doing anything that might create conflict.  You can love yourself by sharing your point of view, your desires, your hopes, and your dreams.

You can love yourself by eliminating the things you don’t like while staying open for opportunities that bring joy.

You can love yourself by resisting distractions such as drugs and alcohol to prevent yourself from feeling emotional, mental or physical discomfort.

Show your love for yourself by learning to befriend your anger. Your anger is telling you something is wrong. Use this powerful energy to make things right in our life.

If you know a type nine in your life, you can encourage them to be honest with you even in a small matter, such as where you want to go out for supper.

Please enable them to put themselves first. Remind the nine; we are all the better off when he or she takes responsibility for themselves.

Help your nine friend to know that you will never abandon them. Remind them it is natural to have differences of opinion. Differences of opinion never need to get in between your relationship.

Tell your special nine that you appreciate it when they let you know what is going on in their minds. 

You are thankful when they find the courage to express their needs.  It makes it easier for you to be your supportive, loving partner.

Before you can love anyone else, you need to love yourself.  The Enneagram is an excellent psychological-spiritual map to help you discover your best self.

First, it helps you to catch yourself when you are acting automatically from the limitations of your personality.  With practice, you learn to see yourself self in action when you do things unconsciously.

Over time you will get to the point when you can stop your old behaviour and try something new that is more congruent with your true self.

As you learn to love yourself, you will be more able to love the people you care about in your life.

Learning to love yourself takes practice.  Don’t be ashamed to get help from a friend, family member, religious leader or a professional counsellor or coach.

The more you can love yourself, the better you will be able to embrace others in all their imperfections.

As you build compassion for yourself, you will find greater empathy for those in your life.

I am Roland Legge, an Identity Life Coach here to help you to love yourself and those you care about.  You can join my private newsletter list for Free Monthly Advice and sign up for virtual coffee with Roland to learn more about the Enneagram and Coaching