How to Build a Relationship with God that Feels Loving & Not Critical

When you hear the word, God, what comes to your mind will depend on the values you learned from your parents.

If you grew up in a faith community that taught that God was angry, judgmental, and violent, you would have a hard time believing in a loving God.

Here are some steps on how to build a relationship with God.

Whether or not you have a positive image of the Holy One, you can choose to build a new relationship with God. If you can find a faith community that teaches a loving, compassionate God, this will be an excellent place to nurture your new relationship.

Whether or not you find a church community, you can build a life-giving relationship with God through spiritual practices. With the help of spiritual practices, you will learn how to build a relationship with God.

Here are 9 ways to build a relationship with God that feels loving and not critical:

1.      Learn the Power of Silence

Many great spiritual leaders use silence to connect with God. Praying is about listening to God, or another way of saying it is waiting on God.

All you have to do is nothing!  In our over-stimulated world, you may find this challenging to turn off the chatter of your mind.

Silence is a time to be. Go into this sacred time with your body, heart and mind open.  Trust that God is working in you even if you are not feeling that anything is happening. The more you practice, the better you will connect to the spirit within you.

You will be able to hear the quiet, gentle and yet powerful voice of God. If the voice is loud and angry, your ego is probably doing the talking.

Over time you begin to gain insights, whether subtle or obvious.  You will have moments of unity with the one God which no words can ever fully describe.

You will get clearer how God is calling you to live your life. Feeling God's presence will not mean that your life will be easy, but you will find joy in knowing you are on the right path.

You will feel the warmth of God's love in your body, heart and mind. God's love will shine through you.

2.      Meditation

Quieting your mind can help you to stay tuned into God.  You will find many different forms of meditation, including mindfulness, mantra meditation, progressive meditation, loving-kindness meditation, visualization, body scans, and Centering Prayer.

Try different forms of meditation until you find one that feeds your soul.  You might find several that you find helpful. Some meditations happen in silence, some led, and others have music or natural sounds in the background.

You can join a meditation group in person or online.  There are many apps you can download that can inspire and guide you in your meditation.  My favourite App is called Insight Timer, and it is available for IOS and Android smartphones.

Meditation will open your heart to commune with God's loving heart.  You will find joy beyond anything you could have imagined. Meditation will teach you how to build a relationship with God.

If you start to hear criticism, this is your ego speaking and not the voice of God.  You will know God by God's love.

Want to learn how to start a daily habit of talking to God? Click Here

3.      Radical Gratitude:

God expects us to live with gratitude every day. To have radical gratitude is to become aware and acknowledge everything that blesses your life, including food, shelter, good health, friends, family, strangers, water, trees, and more.  It is to show appreciation for all the things you have taken for granted.

Instead of complaining that you do not have enough, radical gratitude invites you to focus on what you have instead of what you do not have.

Radical gratitude changes the way you see and experience the world. It opens your heart to notice the many small and big acts of kindness, compassion and justice-making.

It is life-giving to believe in a God who loves you unconditionally and would never intentionally make you suffer.  With the love of God in your heart, you will know how to build a relationship with God

4.      Pray:

Like meditation, there are many ways to pray, and sometimes prayer and meditation become interchangeable.

There is no wrong or right way to pray.  You can talk to God, sing to God, listen to God or any combination of this. This is an important step in how to build a relationship with God.

Each religious tradition will have its ways to meditate and pray.  If you are from a particular religious tradition, you might want to start with your tradition. 

In the Christian tradition, here are some traditional forms of prayer:

·         Adoration

·         Contrition

·         Thanksgiving

·         Supplication

Always go into prayer with an open heart.  It is the power of love working through people like you that transforms the world.

5.      Read inspiring books:

Reading is a powerful tool to open your heart to reflect God's love wherever you go.  There are thousands of titles out there.  As people who you respect to recommend books, they think you might appreciate.

If you are looking for suggestions, here are some authors I recommend:

·         Brene Brown

·         Joan Chittister

·         Brian D Mc McLaren

·         Anne Lamotte

You might want to journal as you read the books to discern how God speaks to you through these authors. Each author will share his or her story giving you suggestions on how to build a relationship with God.

Remember, no one has the ultimate truth.  Each author shares how God has touched their lives.  You and I experience God in different ways. However, a person who claims God to being too abusive, violent, judgmental and manipulative is not the God I choose to follow.

Who is the God you choose to follow?

6.      Help a person in need

Your faith in God is meaningless unless you spread Gods' love. You can help another person with a smile, by opening a door, offering to take a hungry person for lunch, giving money to a person in need, getting shut-ins to appointments and standing in solidarity with an individual or community who faces oppression.  How do you spread God's love?

Want to learn how to connect to God in your everyday life? Click Here

7.      Listen to music that touches your heart and soul

Music has the power to open your heart.  It can help you to feel the presence of God in your daily life.   

You will know when you have found music that works for you.  You will feel warmth in your chest.  You will feel a feeling of peace beyond anything you could imagine. Music can help you to reconnect with God.

I love the music from the musicals Godspell, Jesus Christ Superstar and Joseph and the Technicolour Dreamcoat. What is the music and songs that inspire you?

8.      Take one hundred percent responsibility for your choices

One way to stay connected to your God-self is to take one hundred percent responsibility for yourself.  When you take full responsibility for yourself, you are less likely going to blame others. You are less likely to put other people down. You allow God to lead you

You accept the reality that the only person you can change is yourself.  You know you can never force another person to change.    When you can recognize that of God within you, you have the beginnings of the wisdom on how to build a relationship with God

When you pay attention to the God within you, you will find your courage.  You will discover a love in your heart that will take you places you never dreamed of going.

9.      Accept the love and support of others:

If you find it hard to accept help, it is essential to learn that if you expect to help others you need to give people the opportunity to help you. I think you are wise to forget that it is better to give than to receive.  They are both equally important.

We are God's hands, feet and mouths in the world.  God expects us to care for each other.  God works through each of us when we help another person.

If you can find a religious community to nurture your faith, that would be great. But anytime you hear a spiritual leader using religion as a weapon, you are wise to stay away from them.

The best way to access this love is through God's wisdom revealed to us through the sensations of your body, the emotions of your heart and a quiet mind. The more you experience God's love within you, the more you will notice it in others the more you will know how to build a relationship with God.

Learning how to build a relationship with God takes a lifetime. But the more you practice your spiritual practices, the more love you will have to share.

Roland Legge is a certified Identity Life Coach and a minister in the United Church of Canada in Yorkton, Saskatchewan.  To learn more, you can check out his website. You can also join his private Facebook group called "Discover Your Identity."