10 Steps to Recover from a Divorce

Going through a divorce may have been one of the most challenging times in your life. Now that you are through the divorce, you can move ahead. You now have a fantastic opportunity to do a life reset. Now is a time to heal and discern what is most vital for you to live your life. It is time to claim your new life after divorce.

Here are 10 steps to recover from a divorce:

1.      Self Care:

You are physically and emotionally tired. It might feel tempting to ignore your own needs. You do need to bother. You are worth it! Caring for yourself is essential to claim your new life after divorce

Make sure you get lots of sleep, yummy nutritious food, exercise and playtime. Think for a moment about what helps you to enjoy each day.  

Find the right balance of alone and time with others. Finding this balance may partly depend on whether you are an introvert or an extrovert. Be sure to make time to recharge your batteries.

Pay attention to what you need. Your body will let you know. Your heart will let you know who you need to connect with and what your soul is yearning to do in the world.

2.      Self Acceptance:

To change your life, you must start accepting yourself as you are today. Different forms of meditation, prayer and mindfulness can help to make this happen.

Embracing your humanity reminds you that you are never meant to be perfect. It is your imperfections that make you who you are.

The good news is that you don’t need to be fixed. To move ahead, you must let go of all that is holding you back physically, emotionally, and mentally.

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3.      Friends and Family:

You may experience moments, hours or days of loneliness. It is hard to move from living with a person to living on your own.

Find the people in your life who want the best for you. Think of the people in your life you can trust and feel comfortable being yourself, whether in sadness, joy, fear, anger or confusion.

You want people who will accept you as you are and only give you insights if you ask them for advice.

This transition is a time in your life to make yourself number one. These people will help you claim your new life after divorce.

4.      Declutter:

Do whatever you can to make your home feel a calm and safe space. Often decluttering can help to make this happen. Let go of things that bring back unhappy memories and make changes symbolic of the new life you are beginning. Most importantly, make your home a place of refuge.

5.      Try to Forgive self and your ex-partner:

Forgiving is complex and takes time. Most people misunderstand the concept of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is more about you not allowing the hurt, pain and abuse to destroy future relationships.

Sometimes couples can become friends, but only if there is respect for each other and a willingness for both to take responsibility for the breakdown of the relationship.  

The more you can let go of the pain, hurt, and disappointment, the better you will be able to get on with life and claim your new life after divorce.

6.      Rediscover your dreams and passions:

What have you done in the past you would like to continue? What have you always wanted to do but never had the time? 

What motivates you? Do you like your current job? Are you ready for a career change? Is there another place you have dreamed of living?                                                                

Allow yourself to dream, and don’t avoid new ideas just because they make you uncomfortable. 

Get clear about what you want in life. Pay attention to your body, heart and mind to discover what is essential for you. The more present you are, the better you will be able to make healthy choices. The more grounded you are, the more you will catch your inner critic in action and not let it control your life.

You deserve joy and still have important things to offer the world. You are moving on after divorce; this is a time to move ahead and not get stuck in old unhealthy ways.

7.      Explore what you would do differently in a new relationship:

Every relationship has something to teach us. In most relationships, each of you contributes in some way to the breakdown of the relationship.

Think about what your contribution was. What have you learned about yourself that will help you start a healthier relationship, whether friend, lover or spouse?

 Is there something you have discovered about yourself that has revealed what is essential for you in any relationship? What will help you to claim your new life after divorce?          

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8.      Travel:

Even if it is not far away, getting away for a holiday can help you gain some perspective. Taking a break from home can create a space to do your work. It can be a time to rest, have some fun, have new experiences, meet new people and get a fresh perspective on life.

9.      Learn the Enneagram:

The Enneagram is an excellent choice to help you claim the path that the Source of Life offers you.

Your first step is to identify which Enneagram type resonates for you. Each personality type represents a different lens to make sense of yourself and the world. Your type shows you how you get stuck in your ego when you are under stress. 

You need all nine types to be a healthier person. The image of the Enneagram reveals to you a path to better health. It helps you notice when you are getting stuck in the lies you tell about yourself and helps you to know when you are on the right path.

The Enneagram helps you to let go of anything holding you back or hurting you and those you love.

Most of all, it helps you to make real change and do it with compassion and patience. It shows you a path to finding a more joyful and meaningful life.

Your path will be revealed to claiming your  new life after divorce

10.  Get help:

Last, of all, don’t be afraid to get help. Many professionals can help you, including religious leaders, coaches and counsellors. Remember, you need to interview them as much as they need to interview you. Look for a person who can encourage and challenge you. 

Recovering from divorce takes intentionality, time and patience. If you want to move on, you need to be willing to face the pain. You must be ready to make every effort to make the changes in your life that you need.

Your coach or counsellor can only help you unless you are ready to do the work. Are you prepared for the adventure? Are you willing to risk getting to know who you are? If the answer is yes, decide what first step you will take to claim your new life after divorce. Once you start the journey, never give up the momentum for the change you have begun.

Roland Legge can help you to begin your new life after divorce. Roland Legge is a Certified Spiritual Life Coach and a minister in the United Church of Canada in Yorkton, Saskatchewan.  You can Join My Newsletter for free advice, get your free E-book, and sign up for a Discovery Call that will include a mini coaching session at no charge.