8 Ways to Lovingly Experience Your Newly Empty Nest Without Losing Yourself in The Grief

You love your children. They grow up so fast, and you cannot imagine life without them.  Then what seems like too soon, they are ready to move away from home for university, college, or a new job.

You are seeing them off at the airport.  You go home with tears of love and sadness. You are already missing them. It is hard to come home to an empty nest.

Here are 9 ways to lovingly experience your newly empty nest without losing yourself in the grief.

1.      Put Your Self First:

You are moving into a new chapter of your life.  It will take time to adjust to the empty nest.  It would help you to be patient with yourself as you adjust to the new reality.

You have sacrificed a lot to raise your children.  It is a time to focus on you and your spouse if you have one. 

What dreams have you not fulfilled because of lack of time or money?  Maybe you have always wanted to learn to play the guitar or piano.

If you love animals, perhaps it is time to get a dog or cat if you don’t have a pet?   Have you always wanted to take an Alaska Cruise?   Are you ready to have the time of your life?

If you are single, you may feel even more lonely.  Take the time to enjoy your own company and find friends and family to enjoy life with.

Find ways to nurture yourself, like reading, listening to music, watching a favourite movie, enjoying good food, or staying in touch with family and friends.

2.      Get Grounded:

In the beginning, you are likely feeling stressed as you get used to the empty nest.  Before you make any significant decisions, it will be important for you to be grounded.

Another word for grounded is present. Presence means you can live in the moment without getting stuck in the past or worrying about the future.

When you are present, you can access the wisdom of your three centers of intelligence.

·         Belly Centre – connects you with the sensations of the body

·         Heart Center – filters the world through an emotional lens and encourages you to connect with others

·         Brain Center – with a quiet mind gives you access to the wisdom of the universe. 

Meditation is a great way to connect with your inner wisdom.  There are many ways to meditate.  Find the types of meditation that work for you.  There are many great Apps to help you to find the right practice.  My favourite App is called Insight Timer.

If you are part of a faith tradition, find out the meditation and prayer practice taught in your faith community.

There are many other ways to ground yourself: yoga, tai chi, dance, breath and bodywork, walking, swimming, creating art, photography, and more. 

Find music that touches your heart. Music has the gift of bringing you into presence.  Music takes us to a different place fully immersing you in the moment with no beginning and no end.

Want to know the warning signs that tell you, you need professional help? Click Here

3.      Prayer:

Prayer can help you to anchor yourself in the moment.  It is a powerful way for you to stay connected with your children.

With the help of the Spirit, you can share your love with them every day.  You can pray for their safety, that they will make wise choices, that they will seek help when needed, and finally, your children will know they are loved.

You can seek guidance to help you to know what the divine calls on you to be doing.         

Even more so, the Spirit will show you the best ways you can keep supporting and encouraging your children into the future.

4.      Express Your Grief:

You are most likely grieving because your beloved children have left home. At first, it is not easy to face the empty nest.  Gradually over time, you will get used to your new way of life.

Give yourself space to grieve.  Do whatever it takes to release the pain and sadness through some creative expression such as painting, drawing, prose, poetry, pottery and more.  

Permit yourself to feel sadness, fear, hope, and joy. Be gentle with yourself as you move through the ups and downs of your feelings. 

If you can allow yourself to experience the ups and downs, you will be better able to move through the grief.

5.      Stay Active:

 Continue to stay active in your church, synagogue, mosque, or temple if you are part of a faith community.  If you are working in a community organization, you might want to get more involved if it feels right for you.

It might feel strange at the beginning without your children present, but you will get used to it over time.

Just because your children left does not mean you have to stop volunteering at the schools.

If you want a close connection with children, you might want to become a Big Sister or Big Brother.  Many children need a loving, supportive relationship with an adult.

Want to know how to manage the most common challenges of life’s transitions? Click Here

6.      Acknowledge the Change:

It is best to change your home to acknowledge you are entering a new chapter in your life. It does not have to be significant.  You might use one of your children's bedrooms and turn it into a guest room or den.  Think of what will help you to adjust to the empty nest.

Maybe you could purchase a new painting or photo to hang in one of your rooms to acknowledge the change. Maybe you had a family portrait taken just before your children left and this could be the new photo you hang.

You could re-arrange the furniture to mark this occasion.  See this as an opportunity to re-focus on what is vital for you.

Now that your children have left, this is your time now!  Make the best of this, enjoying the new adventures that come your way.

7.      Create a Bucket List:

What do you want to do before you die?  Brainstorm on a piece of paper what experiences you would like to have. 

Maybe you want to:

·         Travel

·         Jump out of a plane

·         Water ski

·         Join a choir

·         Skinnydip

Then choose the adventures you want to experience and decide where you want to start.  Every year make sure to make one of them happen.  Evaluate your bucket list every year and determine if you're going to make any changes.

Make the best of your life.  You are worth it!

8.      Practice Radical Gratitude:

You are probably like most of us,  It is easy to take so much for granted.  Have you had a power outage recently and were reminded how much you appreciate having power? 

You might like to create a gratitude journal.  Set a time each day to write down what you are thankful for in your everyday life. It can be anything such a food, friends, pets, flush toilets, and traffic lights.

You will be reminded that you still have much to be thankful for despite the new experience of the empty nest.

The more you appreciate all the things you have, the more joy you will feel. It is hard to grumpy and angry when you are feeling thankful.

Over time you will get used to the new chapter in your life.  You will experience a different kind of relationship with your children.  The tears of sadness will get replaced by tears of joy. You will have a new appreciation for your children. Living in your empty nest will get filled with new opportunities as you have emotional and physical space to experience more of life.

You will rekindle passions for experiences you used to love and did not have time for with new experiences that will bring joy that you never dreamt was possible.

Life is constantly shifting and changing.  At times like this, we become more aware of the change.  Change is a constant, always inviting us into deeper living and new adventures.

Roland Legge is a Certified Identity Life Coach and a minister in the United Church of Canada in Yorkton, Saskatchewan.  To learn more, you can check out his website. You can also join his private Facebook group called "Discover Your Identity."