How To Make Your Life After Divorce Truly The Best Years Of Your Life

Moving through separation and divorce is one of the most challenging things you will do in life.  But once you are through it, it is time to re-imagine your life for the next chapter.

First, you need to acknowledge your part in the relationship. How did you enhance the relationship, and how did you hinder it.

 If you do not learn your lessons, you will repeat them until you take full responsibility for your behaviour.

If you feel stuck after the end of a relationship, do not be afraid to get help.  Seeking help is a sign of strength and not weakness.  It is now time to let go of your past relationship, accept it for what it was and focus on what you need to learn.

There are many places to get help.  Divorce coaches and counsellors can help you through the immediate pain of separation, and coaches such as myself will help you re-create your life. 

What dreams do you have that have gone unfulfilled unto now? Post-divorce is a time to focus on what gives you life, stop procrastinating from following your dreams and then make it happen.

Here are 9 ways to rebuild your life:

1.      Establish your Community

Your divorce will affect your friendships. Life after divorce will be different. There will be people you won’t feel comfortable connecting with because you only knew them through your partner. It is now time to let them go.

You might want to reconnect with friends you knew before you were married and have not seen much of in recent years.

If you are not part of any religious community, club or non-profit, you might want to find a group that fits your interests and values. It will potentially be a great place to make new friends.

Make an effort to have friends over for supper. Take the time to find your people who will help you bring out the best in yourself and make your life enjoyable.

2.      Practice Self Care

You are responsible for yourself.  You are worth the effort!  What can you do for yourself to help you feel physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually healthy?

Here are some possibilities:

·         Meditation

·         Yoga

·         Mindfulness

·         Tai chi

·         Prayer

·         Dance

·         Sports

·         Walking

·         Singing

·         Reading

·         Breath exercises

Whenever you start a new activity, start slowly.  Maybe you might want to start with five minutes a day and gradually increase the length of time.

Eat good food that is both enjoyable and healthy. Show your body respect, and it will be good to you.

Inspire yourself with people, books and movies that uplift your spirits. 

Choose your friends carefully so that in the end you are both benefiting from knowing each other. If someone is holding you back, let them go.

Your new life after divorce is an excellent opportunity to focus on your own needs.

If you are having trouble following through on your self-care, find a person to hold you to account.

3.      Make time for fun

Life is short and thus goes by quickly.  Make sure you take time for fun.  Fun can include some of the activities from above and much more. 

Find friends and family to have meals together. If you like live cultural events, find a friend who loves what you do and get season tickets for plays, symphonies, opera, dance or anything else you can enjoy together.  If you are a sports fan, get out to a hockey, baseball, basketball or football game.

If you have children, they can teach you about having fun.  Let your children reveal your inner child that has been hungering to come out and play.

Maybe you have a pet dog.  Dogs love to have fun.  You and your furry friend can have a lot of fun together. 

You can not but help to feel better when you take time for fun.

4.      Find a Tool or Practice to help you connect with your Higher Self

There are many great tools and practices to help you connect with your higher self.  Get curious and find out what might interest you.  Your friends and family might have some good ideas. I am going to mention a tool that has worked well for me.

One of the best is called the Enneagram.  The Enneagram is more like a spiritual map for transformation. It can help you to move into your new life after divorce.

It is an ancient symbol that embodies ancient wisdom practices and, more recently, combined with modern psychology.

Most teachers believe that early in the first few weeks of life, you receive one of nine ways to survive in the world, which you would know as your ego.  You would not survive without your ego.

You have all nine types within you, but there is always one primary type, which represents the place you get stuck when you are under stress.

The good news is that you are more than your type.  With the help of the Enneagram, you learn to discern the difference between the thoughts of your inner critic and your true self. 

The more you can notice the difference; you will be better able to make healthier choices that will enhance your life and those around you.

Through this deep work, you will find greater joy, purpose and hope in your life.

Want to learn more about the Enneagram?  Click Here

5.      Pay attention to your three sources of intelligence

You have at least three brains. You learn from the sensations of your body. You learn from the emotions of your heart and your quiet mind.

Learning to access your three centers of intelligence will help you to make choices in your life that will bring out the best in you.

The Enneagram is one of many tools that can help you access this wisdom for your new life after divorce.

To access your body, find practices such as mindfulness, meditation and breathing to help you become aware of what is happening in your body. Your body will tell you what is going on right in the moment. 

An excellent way to stay in touch with your body is to exercise.  Exercise will help you to pay attention to what your body is trying to tell you.

To access your heart wisdom, you need to pay attention to your emotions and notice the difference between what you think you feel versus what you are experiencing in the moment. Your emotions are a window to your heart. 

To access your quiet mind, all you need to do is find a practice that will quiet your mind whether, through mediation, walking, gardening, or anything else.

When you are open to your three centers of intelligence, you will know what you need to be doing in life.  You will be able to make choices with greater ease.

6.      Set some short and long term Goals

Getting clear about the direction you want to go can be helpful.  To help you do this, you will benefit from writing down short-term goals of what you would like to achieve in the next year and the next five years.

As you do this work, you need to be honest with yourself.  Yes, you need to challenge yourself, but you need to have the confidence to bring your goals to life.

7.      Make the best of your life

Your life is precious. Do your best to enjoy every moment of your new life after divorce.  When you get up every morning, be thankful that you have another day to experience the incredible gift of life you are given.

8.      No more excuses!

You have a second chance to get your life together.  Promise yourself to stop making excuses.  You are in charge of your own life, and this is the time to put yourself first. It is the time to show the world who you are.

Everyone around you will benefit from you shining your light on the world. 

Want to Discover 5 Way to Thrive after a Divorce? Click Here

9.      You are worth it

Yes, this is the time for you to shine. You do no one a service by hiding your talents, skills and love from the world.

The world needs you to bring your best.  The more you can bring your best self to the world, along with everyone else, the world will become more of a loving, just, compassionate place to live.

Your goal is to find joy in your life again.  Your job is to free yourself from the lies you tell about yourself—your job is to learn to know the difference between a lie and the truth. 

The challenge is to re recover your truth when you have been lying to yourself for years.

The universe wants you to follow your dreams, find your purpose and know that you are making a difference in your renewed life after divorce.

Make the best out of this opportunity to begin a new chapter in your life where you bring out your best self, live to the fullest and make choices that serve you and the people around you.

I am Roland Legge, an Identity Life Coach here to help you to create a great life after divorce.  You can join my private newsletter list for Free Advice and join my private Facebook page called “Discover Your Identity” Click Here